Should I be in porn?

I've had people ask me, "If you're really that turned on by people seeing you nude, why aren't you in porn?" That's a very good question, especially as I'm turned on just by the thought of doing porn.On the other hand, it's not that simple.

There are many aspects to an answer. One thing is that just the fact that porn seems like the "ultimate" thing to do, also makes me ask myself "What should I do after that?" If I'm already having sex in a porn film, wouldn't that destroy the thrill of being seen naked on a beach?

Another thing is that I'm of course worried about "what people would say". And after all, the exhibitionism is all about being turned on by the POSSIBILITY that people might see me, while porn would turn that into a CERTAINTY.

I have considered it, though. About a year ago I was in London for a little weekend, and met a cute guy at a gay bar who I ended up going home with. He put on a video which turned out to be a professional porn video featuring him, and he asked me if I had considered doing porn. Needless to say, the video and the question had exactly the intended effect - I got turned on and we had great sex. But the question stayed with me, and in the morning I asked him what I should do if I wanted to try it. He gave me a phone number.

So later that day, I made a call. I was asked to come visit "for us to have a look at each other", and I accepted this. On the subway to the place, I was thinking a lot on whether I would actually dare to go through with this, and how cool it would be.

It turned out that they were in the middle of doing a shot in an apartment - for which they didn't need any more guys. And I just had the chance to talk to the people in charge for a few minutes in between the takes. I got the impression that I would be more than welcome to do a test shot - they even proposed that I could come back two days later. The whole thing seemed very professional, and the guys who were doing the shoot seemed very content - and they were VERY sexy. So actually, I felt quite flattered that I was actually even considered as "good enough" to be part of this. I decided that I would come back to find out more.

Two days later, I was back. The setup was very much like what you can see in countless videos online: there was a bed and there was a camera. They told me that the whole point of this shot was just to see if I could "perform" on camera. They also told me that as I hadn't yet signed a contract, they would not be able to publish the video without my consent - and therefore I wouldn't get paid either (unless we decided otherwise later). Everything of this was okay for me, and I got ready for the camera.

Of course, I was worried that the situation would somehow magically remove my excitement, as I've heard so much about how hard it is to "keep it up" in such circumstances. Well, that wasn't a problem for me. Just looking at the camera made me hard long before I got my clothes off, and I answered some silly questions about how much I wanted to be in porn while I removed first my t-shirt, then my trousers and my socks. I remember being asked if I enjoyed being naked, and I told them that I'm going to nude beaches as often as I can. "Does that mean that you don't have a tan-line?" the "interviewer" asked, and I pulled down my boxers to show that I had an all-over tan. (This was in August or September, I think, so I had a whole summer at nude beaches behind me.) Of course, I kept pulling down my boxers until the whole, erect cock were in full view of the camera.

"Nice", he said, and then he asked if I wanted him to put on some porn while I was jerking off. "I don't think that will be necessary", I said, because I was thrilled and horny. I knew that at the moment this thing was over, I could probably sign a paper that would mean that this video might be released somewhere - at least on some website for this firm. I knew that the people in front of me wanted to help me be jerking off in front of an unknown number of people. Actually, I was so excited that I knew I could come almost anytime, so I asked them if they preferred me to hold back and then to come at some particular moment, or if I should just come as soon as possible. Of course, they liked to get this choice, and asked me to wait for five minutes and then come. This was the part which was a bit difficult, because I kept jerking off, tried to think of something else but at the same time wanted to look into the camera and to keep hard. But I managed fine, and - probably just to test me - the guy told me that it would be nice if I could come in 15 seconds. By this time I had problems "thinking of something else", and was very glad I could stop trying. By now, I was lying on my back on the bed, and the cameraman was coming closer to get a close-up of the shot. I went back to thinking of the hundreds and thousands of people who might see this video, and quite quickly shot a nice, huge load over my chest and stomach. It felt good, and I smiled. "Do you ever eat your cum?", the voice said, and I took my right hand to my mouth and licked off the sperm there. Then I grabbed a bit more of the cum from my stomach and licked that off my fingers as well - and all the time I was thinking of my "audience" and smiling.

So what happened afterwards? Well, the company seemed very interested to keep in touch, and they talked about a project a month later. However, I was going back to Norway, and back in Norway my brain stepped in. Although being in porn seemed a dream come true, it would still mean releasing pictures into the world that I would forever lose control over - pictures that couldn't even be dismissed as "not my fault" (my planned response if nude photos of me from beaches or other "innocent" settings should appear online). In an ideal world, I could shoot the videos but decide myself when (or if) they were to be published, but I knew things didn't work like this. So I chickened out.

I still dream of being in porn. And I know that if I want to do it, I should do it within five or ten years - while I'm still "young". Obviously, I still have the contact details of the company in England (who has also called me a few times - both to ask if I've changed my mind and if I would agree to put the test video online), and from time to time, I look at the phone number and consider going to London for a little trip...

(By the way: don't worry. I do, from time to time, make small amateur videos of myself with a video camera that I've got. Just for my own enjoyment - but with the option of putting them online at some time in the future, if I want to...)